Birthday Stream of Consciousness

36 tomorrow. I’m going to unplug, but want to leave my birthday stream of consciousness this am for my writing practice. :)

You know when you sculpt clay in your hands, look at it proudly, stand back & let the heat of the kiln transform it? I’ve always wanted to apply that elsewhere— ambition of a triple Virgo. The past year, my goal was discovering how to spend more time in an active imagining space vs a fixed imagining space; a place that leaves room for missteps & miracles alike with flexibility to pivot. Maybe it’s motherhood, maybe ptsd surrendering lessons, or maybe simply a gift of aging. I’m not sure how I jumped out of the loop, but I finally feel like I did; I am the sculptress.

We all experience a symphony of exquisite mountain peaks & deep, sometimes dark, echoing canyons; sometimes floating the in-between as our experiences etch upon our bodies. What I’ve learned is to give the canyons their purpose & praise, with as much belief as I do the peaks. To feel & say our stories aloud creates enough warmth & friction to be moved by them.

The touchstones thus far, have been the moments gazing up from the canyon floor, past brush & branch, & rooting my next footstep in. The traction is offering effort to the vision we hold; It’s believing there is meaning, whether in the mundane or the marvelous. With traction, we magnetize the stories we believe.

I’ve made my birthdays markers of change as long as I can remember; a way I offer freedom in deciding who I am all over again. I cut my hair, I try new styles, I get uncomfortable- a little. Can you relate on waiting for ceremonial power points to unhinge and ignite? This year, I’m feeling a call to look into this moment instead of wiping the slate clean. I’m imagining 2 year old me, dreaming of lions, that has in real time moved through the ring of fire, & knows myself because of it.

Our courage to daydream & share stories is what moves mountains, cools fires, sparks passion & blows the seeds forth. So onward I go, as I catch the breeze for another spin around the sun.

Sending love,
Cort 🐸